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À partir d’avant-hierMarina Mele's site

Understanding Frustration in Children

As a parent or caregiver, you’ve likely encountered the challenge of a frustrated child. This is an experience as universal as it is daunting. Children, much like the rest of us, are not born with an innate ability to manage frustration effectively. However, recognizing and addressing these feelings in children is not just about soothing the present moment; it’s about building resilience. With the further complications brought about by the pandemic, the task of guiding children through their frustrations has become even more critical. In this article, we will delve deep into the roots and management of frustration in children, empowering you to help the young ones navigate their emotions and foster lasting resilience.

Understanding Low Frustration Tolerance (LFT) in Children

Low Frustration Tolerance (LFT) is a term that describes the difficulty some children face in handling challenging situations without becoming overwhelmed by negative emotions. If your child becomes irritable, has emotional outbursts, or throws temper tantrums more frequently than seems typical, they may be experiencing LFT. Recognizing the hallmarks of LFT is the first step in helping your child overcome these hurdles.

It’s important to differentiate between high and low frustration tolerance. Children with high frustration tolerance can weather difficulties with calm and perseverance, whereas those with low tolerance may quickly resort to anger or despair. Understanding where your child falls on this spectrum can significantly affect how you approach their frustration.

The difference between high and low frustration tolerance goes beyond the immediate reactions to stressors. It can have far-reaching implications for your child’s development, influencing everything from their social interactions to their approach to problem-solving. In the following sections, we explore these aspects more closely.

Causes and Indicators of LFT

At the heart of LFT are complex brain networks and temperamental factors. Genetics and innate temperament can predispose a child to lower frustration tolerance, but so can the environment they’re growing up in. It’s crucial to comprehend the role these factors play as you navigate your child’s frustrating moments.

The influence of parenting cannot be overstated. An overly strict or permissive approach can hinder a child’s ability to self-regulate, increasing the chances of LFT. Conversely, a balanced approach can promote a healthier response to frustrations.

Knowing the signs of high frustration, such as distress at criticism, aggressive physical behaviors, or the development of irrational beliefs, is essential for early intervention. Recognizing these signs can provide you with the opportunity to step in and offer support before emotions escalate.

Consequences of Untreated LFT

If LFT is not addressed, it can lead to more severe behavioral issues like oppositional defiant disorder. Such conditions can have a negative impact on all aspects of a child’s life, from academic performance to social interactions.

Besides behavioral issues, untreated LFT can lead to problems at school and with peers. Difficulty dealing with frustration can make it hard for children to concentrate on tasks or work collaboratively with others, hindering their learning and social development.

Long-term high frustration levels can also translate into mental health risks. It is important for parents and caregivers to understand these potential consequences in order to take proactive steps in addressing LFT.

Strategies for Helping Children Cope with Frustration

Embracing Empathy and Modeling

Your empathetic response sets the tone for how a child manages frustration. Showing understanding and mirroring emotional regulation can teach them how to handle their feelings.

Co-Regulation and Connection 

It’s not just about responding to the frustration, but doing so in sync with your child’s emotional state. This process, known as co-regulation, involves you participating in your child’s emotional experiences and helping them navigate through them. By doing so, you provide a safe space for them to learn and understand their emotions.

Encouraging Problem-Solving and Proactive Approaches 

To foster a sense of control and capability in your child, encourage them to engage in problem-solving and to think proactively. This not only offers them strategies to deal with frustration at that moment but also helps them develop skills that will benefit them throughout their lives.

Warm Parenting Styles 

A warm, consistent, and responsive parenting style is key. This kind of environment supports a child’s learning to cope with frustration positively and constructively, bolstering their resilience and ability to tackle challenges head-on.

Recommendations and Supportive Measures

Often, frustration can be exacerbated by unmet physical needs. Ensuring that your child is well-rested, fed, and physically healthy can significantly decrease their levels of frustration.

Teaching your child how to identify and articulate their emotions is a fundamental aspect of emotional coaching. Additionally, providing them with a suite of coping skills will enable them to deal with frustration in a healthy manner. This also highlights the importance of parenting training to better equip caregivers to handle such emotional challenges.

For children with developmental disorders such as ADHD or Autism, the strategies may need to be tailored to fit their specific challenges and needs. In such cases, professional support might be necessary to provide additional guidance.

Activities to Help Children Manage Frustration

Activities recommended by experts include breathing exercises, creating calming spaces within the home, engaging in physical activities, and using music or art as outlets for expression. These not only serve as ways to cope, but also as avenues for children to explore and express their emotions.

For some children, sensory-focused techniques such as playing with stress balls or kinetic sand might provide the necessary comfort and distraction to deal with moments of intense frustration.

Remember that each child is different, and what works for one may not work for another. It’s important to tailor these activities to your child’s preferences and needs. Check out more activities here.

Building Strengths and Resilience in Children

Every child reacts differently to frustration, and understanding your child’s specific temperament is crucial. Your responses should be customized to their unique needs and personality.

Together with your child, work on identifying specific triggers of frustration and establish constructive responses to those situations.

Before addressing the behavior that results from frustration, it’s important to connect with your child. This means understanding their feelings and offering comfort, serving as a foundation for teaching them how to manage their emotions effectively.

Acknowledging when you need help is important. If your child’s frustration is significant and persistent, seeking additional support from child development specialists can be beneficial.

Conclusion

Learning to manage frustration is not a luxury; it’s an essential life skill. Through your guidance and support, your child can learn to navigate their emotions and develop the resilience necessary for a healthy and successful life.

We have touched upon various strategies and insights that are crucial for helping children cope with frustration. By adopting an empathetic and proactive approach, you can guide your child towards emotional maturity and resilience. Do you have strategies that work for your child, or are you seeking advice? Feel free to share your experiences and questions in the comments below.

 

The post Understanding Frustration in Children appeared first on Marina Mele's site.

Overcoming Regrets: Finding the Strength to Move Forward

It’s natural to feel regret, but it is also important to reflect on our regrets and learn from them. In this blog post, we’ll be exploring the effects of regret, the impact it can have on our lives, and how we can use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. We’ll look at why it is important to acknowledge and accept our regrets, how to find a silver lining in them, and why practicing self-compassion and forgiveness is so important. Through understanding and accepting our regrets, we can make better decisions and create a life that is true to our values. So, let’s dive into this topic and start reflecting on our regrets.

What is Regret?

Regret is an emotion that can be expressed in many different ways – from a gentle pang of disappointment to a deep and overwhelming sorrow. It is a universal feeling, one that we have all experienced in some form or another. But what exactly is it?

At its core, regret is a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment at something that you have done, or failed to do [1]. We feel regret when we realize that our actions or inactions have led to consequences that could have been avoided. It can be a powerful feeling, as it can be a reminder of our own limitations and the consequences of our choices.

Usually, regret is a negative emotion that can lead to feelings of guilt or disappointment. We may even experience regret for things that we did not do or for decisions that were beyond our control. In these cases, we must learn to accept and forgive ourselves for our mistakes and take responsibility for our actions.

But sometimes, regret can also be a positive emotion, as it can motivate us to reflect on our past decisions and make better choices in the future. It can be a reminder of valuable lessons that we have learned, and the importance of reflecting on our experiences. Regret can be a source of growth and learning, if we use it as a tool to help us better understand ourselves and our actions.

Regret is an emotion that should be taken seriously and not ignored, as it can have a strong impact on our lives. To learn from our experiences and move forward, we must be willing to reflect on our choices and learn from our mistakes. By doing so, we can develop a greater understanding of ourselves and how we can make better decisions in the future.

The Impact of Regret

A recent study by researchers at the University of California, Berkeley, found that 76% of participants regretted things that they could have done, but did not [1], not things that they did wish they didn’t. This isn’t surprising, as it’s often our inactions that can cause us the most regret in the long run.

Regret can be a difficult emotion to grapple with, and it can often lead to feelings of guilt and helplessness. Unfortunately, regret about inactions tends to be more enduring and can even intensify as time goes by. For example, regret about the career path can appear a few years after the decision was made, and can increase over time.

But it’s important to remember that first, it’s never too late to take action and make changes. And second, that decision was made probably the best you could, given the situation or the previous knowledge you had. So try to forgive yourself, accept the outcome, and if you wish, take action.

Remember that it’s natural to feel regret, it’s human. What you can do is use it as a powerful tool for growth and learning [2]. Taking the time to reflect on our regrets and consider how we can move forward can be a helpful way to process our emotions and make sure that we are living a life that is true to our values.

Accepting and Learning from Regrets

Acknowledging and accepting our regrets is more productive than ignoring or fixating on them [3]. As parents, we can often find ourselves regretting decisions we made in the past that we now feel were wrong. For example, I can think of many things I said to my kids that after looking at the outcome, I realised were not the best things to say, or do.

But I think it is important to recognize and accept these mistakes as part of the learning process, rather than fixating on them or suppressing the regret that they generate. By doing so, we can start to use our experiences as a way to grow and learn, allowing us to make better decisions in the future.

Finding a silver lining in our regrets, something positive in the outcome, can help us think more clearly and make better decisions [3]. It can be difficult to accept our mistakes, but it is important to look for the lessons that we can learn from them. We can focus on the positive changes that have occurred as a result of our regrets, such as understanding what we value more in raising our children or learning to be more patient and understanding.

Practicing self-compassion and forgiveness is crucial for positive adjustment in the face of regrets [3]. It is natural to have moments of self-doubt and criticism, but it is important to remember that we are all human and capable of making mistakes. By practicing self-compassion and forgiveness, we can start to move away from regret and focus on the present. We can learn from our mistakes, which can help us become the best we can be.

Conclusions

In conclusion, it is important to reflect upon our regrets and learn from them in order to make the best decisions in the future. Acknowledging and accepting our regrets is more productive than ignoring or fixating on them, and taking action to remedy them can help to move forward and grow from our experiences. Practicing self-compassion and forgiveness is also key for positive adjustment when dealing with regrets. We can use our regrets as stepping stones to become better parents, and to become the best version of ourselves.

The post Overcoming Regrets: Finding the Strength to Move Forward appeared first on Marina Mele's site.

Thinking Outside the Box: Creative Problem-Solving with Critical Thinking

In this blog post, we will explore the concept of critical thinking and its role in fostering creativity and problem-solving. We will look at how critical thinking can help to identify biases and challenge conventions, explore alternative ideas and solutions, and broaden perspectives. We will also discuss the importance of developing critical thinking skills, such as reading, researching, questioning, and practicing mindfulness. Finally, we will focus on how critical thinking can empower individuals to make informed decisions and become more confident and independent in their thinking. So let’s get started!

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”—Aristotle

What is Critical Thinking?

Critical thinking is the process of actively and skilfully conceiving, applying, analysing, synthesizing and evaluating information gathered from observation, experience, reflection, reasoning, or communication. It involves a careful examination of the facts, and often involves the questioning of underlying assumptions. It is a cognitive process that requires the development of skills, such as analysis and evaluation, in order to make sound judgments about the validity of evidence and the overall worth of an argument.

There are many different types of critical thinking skills, and each of them requires the ability to identify and evaluate the credibility of evidence, and to draw conclusions from that evidence.

  • Problem-solving skills are important for being able to identify problems and take appropriate action to resolve them.
  • Decision-making skills are important for being able to evaluate different options and make the best choice.
  • Reasoning skills are important for being able to deductively or inductively draw conclusions from evidence.
  • Analysis skills are important for being able to break down a problem or situation into its distinct parts and understand the relationships between them.
  • Synthesis skills are important for being able to combine multiple pieces of evidence or information in order to create a coherent whole.

The benefits of developing critical thinking skills include the ability to think objectively and make sound judgments, the ability to identify and evaluate evidence, the ability to draw conclusions from evidence, and the ability to make decisions quickly and confidently. Critical thinking can also help to improve problem-solving and communication skills, as well as increase one’s capacity for creativity and innovation.

Examples of critical thinking can be seen in everyday life. For instance, when a parent is presented with a difficult decision regarding their child, they may use critical thinking skills to evaluate the different options and come to an informed conclusion. Additionally, when a student is presented with a complex problem in mathematics, they may use critical thinking skills to break down the problem into its components and develop an effective strategy to solve it. In business, critical thinking can be used to evaluate new ideas and strategies, and to make decisions about how best to allocate resources.

How Can Critical Thinking Foster Creativity?

Creativity and critical thinking are closely intertwined. When people are encouraged to be creative, they are also encouraged to think outside the box and explore alternative ideas and solutions. Through critical thinking, people can consider different perspectives and explore different possibilities and thus, help them with creativity and innovation.

Critical thinking can also help to identify biases and challenge conventions. For example, here are some common biases:

  • Confirmation bias – the tendency to search for evidence that only confirms one’s existing beliefs.
  • Cultural bias – assuming that all members of a particular cultural group think or behave in the same way.
  • Conventional wisdom – assuming that a certain course of action is the only way to achieve desired results.

By questioning the assumptions underlying an argument or situation, people can develop a more complete understanding of the issue at hand. This can help to bring new insight and uncover potential solutions that may not have been considered before.

Moreover, critical thinking can also help to open people up to new perspectives and broaden their views. By questioning the assumptions underlying their own beliefs and ideas, people can develop empathy and understanding. They can also learn to consider different viewpoints and develop an appreciation of diversity. This can help to foster creative problem-solving and spark new ideas.

Tips for Developing Critical Thinking Skills

Here are some tips to develop critical thinking skills:

  • Reading and researching are essential for developing critical thinking skills. By reading widely and investigating different sources of information, people can gain a greater understanding of the topics they are studying. They can also learn to question their assumptions, challenge their views, and assess the evidence presented. Additionally, by asking open-ended questions, that cannot be answered with a yes or no, people can gain new insights into the topics they are exploring.
  • Mindfulness can help people to become aware of their own biases and assumptions, and to be more open-minded to different perspectives. Additionally, by practicing active listening, people can learn to listen attentively and without judgment. This can help to gain a better understanding of the issues being discussed, and to more effectively assess the validity of information.
  • Analytical skills are key for developing critical thinking skills. By learning to break down complex problems into smaller, more manageable pieces, people can gain a better understanding of the issues they are facing. Additionally, by learning to identify the relationships between different parts of a problem, people can gain insight into the underlying causes of the problem.
  • Open and honest conversations can help too. By discussing different topics and exchanging different perspectives, people can develop analytical and synthesis skills, as well as the ability to think objectively and consider different viewpoints.

Conclusion

In conclusion, critical thinking is an important skill for developing creativity and problem-solving. It involves the ability to identify and evaluate evidence, draw conclusions from evidence, and make decisions quickly and confidently. Developing critical thinking skills requires the ability to read, research, question, and practice mindfulness. When people are encouraged to think critically, they can learn to challenge assumptions, explore alternative ideas and solutions, and broaden their perspectives. This can help to foster creativity and empower individuals to make informed decisions.

The post Thinking Outside the Box: Creative Problem-Solving with Critical Thinking appeared first on Marina Mele's site.

Assertiveness: A Crucial Skill for Children’s Personal Growth

Raising children is no easy task. It requires patience, consistency, and a lot of guidance. As parents, we have the responsibility to teach our children the important skills they will need to live successful and rewarding lives. One such skill is assertiveness.

Assertiveness is a form of communication which involves expressing oneself openly and honestly, with consideration for the rights of others. It is an important skill for children to develop as it helps them become more confident and secure in their self-expression. It encourages children to have healthy relationships with others, respect boundaries and stand up for themselves.

In this blog post, we will explore why assertiveness is important for children, the main benefits of being assertive, and tips on how to teach assertiveness.

What is assertiveness and why is it important for children?

Assertiveness entails expressing one’s opinions or perspectives confidently and respectfully. And I consider it a crucial skill for children as it allows them to communicate their thoughts, emotions, and ideas clearly while also considering the feelings of others.

But let me emphasize that assertiveness is not the same as aggression. It is important to differentiate between making your point in a confident and respectful way, versus using forceful and intimidating language that can be off-putting to others. Additionally, assertiveness should be expressed in a way that is honest and direct, but not rude or condescending.

What are the main benefits of being assertive?

Assertiveness can be useful to resolve problems, as it helps children to be aware of their own needs, as well as the needs of others. This awareness can then be used to come up with creative solutions to conflicts or disagreements. For example, if your child is facing a problem with a friend, they can use assertiveness to communicate what they need and come up with a plan that works for everyone.

This skill also helps children to effectively communicate with others. Through assertive communication, children are able to express their thoughts and feelings in a way that is direct but not aggressive, and allows them to be understood and taken seriously by their peers. Additionally, it can help to build trust between the involved parties, as each person is able to trust that the other is being honest and trustworthy in their interactions.

Lastly, assertiveness encourages children to take an active role in advocating for their needs and wants. It helps them to recognize their own value and to recognize that their voice is important. This can be especially beneficial for shy or introverted children, as it gives them confidence to speak up and make their opinions known.

Tips on how to teach assertiveness

The first tip I want to share is to model assertive behaviour. This means that I express my own feelings in a respectful and direct manner, without being aggressive or passive. I also ensure that I listen to my children and allow their opinions, feelings and wishes to be heard. By doing this, I hope to teach my children that they can express themselves in a confident, non-aggressive manner too.

Another tip is to practice role-play. This can be done by creating scenarios in which children can practice expressing their own needs, while also respecting the needs of others. Here are some examples:

  • Ordering food at a restaurant: Have your child pretend to be the customer and you play the role of the server. Encourage your child to practice ordering politely and assertively, making sure to speak clearly and make eye contact.

  • Standing up to a bully: Create a scenario in which your child is being bullied by another child. Encourage your child to assertively communicate their feelings, telling the other child how their actions are making them feel and standing up for themselves.

  • Negotiating with a friend: Set up a scenario in which your child and a friend have a disagreement over something, such as sharing toys or playing a game. Encourage your child to assertively communicate their needs and wants, while also being willing to compromise and find a solution that works for both parties.

  • Asking for help: Create a scenario in which your child needs help with something, such as completing a task or understanding a lesson. Encourage your child to assertively ask for help, making sure to clearly communicate what they need assistance with and why.

And the last tip is that we should try to use positive assertive language when disciplining children. This means that we must explain why a certain behaviour is not acceptable and provide alternatives. Here are some examples:

  • I understand that you want to keep playing, but it’s time to clean up now.

  • I can see that you’re upset, but hitting your brother is not okay. Let’s find a better way to express your feelings.

  • I understand that you’re frustrated, but we don’t yell in our house. Let’s take a deep breath and try to communicate calmly.

  • I know you didn’t mean to spill the juice, but it’s important to clean up after ourselves. Let’s work together to clean it up.

  • I understand that you’re feeling angry right now, but it’s not okay to throw things. Let’s take a break and come back to this when we’re both feeling calmer.

The key is to use “I” statements, acknowledge the child’s feelings, and offer alternatives or solutions that promote positive behaviour.

Use assertiveness to set boundaries

As a mother and a professional, I understand the importance of setting boundaries for children. Establishing clear limits helps children learn self-control, emotional regulation, and respect for others. By using assertiveness, we can communicate our expectations and model the behavior we’d like our children to adopt. Additionally, setting boundaries helps create a sense of security for children, as they know what to expect and can navigate their environment with confidence.

Again, role-playing can be an excellent tool for teaching boundary-setting skills to children. By engaging in various scenarios, children can practice expressing their needs and standing up for themselves in a safe and controlled environment. Here are some examples:

  • Role-play a situation where a friend wants to borrow a favourite toy, but your child isn’t comfortable sharing it. Encourage your child to practice saying “no” assertively and calmly, explaining their reasoning without becoming defensive or aggressive.

  • In a role-play scenario involving peer pressure, you could have your child pretend they are at a party where friends are pressuring them to engage in activities they are uncomfortable with, such as trying a new risky game or consuming unhealthy snacks. Encourage your child to practice assertively expressing their feelings and standing their ground, while also suggesting alternative activities that align with their values.

  • Another role-play situation could involve addressing bullying at school. Have your child imagine they are witnessing someone being teased or mistreated. Help them practice assertively intervening by telling the bully to stop, standing up for the victim, and reporting the incident to a trusted adult. This will help them develop the confidence and skills needed to handle such situations in real life.

  • A scenario involving personal space boundaries could involve your child pretending to play with a friend who is consistently invading their personal space or touching them without permission. Encourage your child to practice assertively communicating their discomfort and setting clear limits on physical contact, while remaining respectful and empathetic towards their friend.

  • To practice assertiveness in the context of family dynamics, create a role-play scenario in which a sibling or relative is continually borrowing your child’s belongings without asking. Help your child practice expressing their feelings about the situation and setting clear boundaries around the use of their possessions, emphasizing the importance of mutual respect and communication.

  • Lastly, consider a role-play situation where your child needs to advocate for themselves in an academic setting. For example, they could pretend they’ve been given an unfair grade on a project. Encourage your child to practice assertively discussing their concerns with the “teacher” (played by you or another family member), presenting evidence to support their case and respectfully asking for a grade reconsideration. This will help them develop the skills needed to navigate challenging situations in their educational journey.

In conclusion, assertiveness is an important skill for children to develop. It helps to foster healthy relationships, encourages honest communication, and allows children to stand up for themselves in challenging situations. By modeling assertive behavior and engaging in role-play scenarios, we can teach children how to express themselves confidently and respectfully. This, in turn, will help them lead more meaningful and fulfilling lives.

The post Assertiveness: A Crucial Skill for Children’s Personal Growth appeared first on Marina Mele's site.

Children are not responsible for other people’s emotions

Sometimes, when we talk to our kids, we use phrases that can make them feel responsible for the emotions of adults. In this article, I explain which phrases and what problems there are in using them.

Do these phrases sound familiar to you?

You’ve told your daughter three times to pick up the toy she was playing with and left on the dining room floor, and each time, she didn’t answer or even listen. On the fourth time, you say something like, I’ve told you several times to pick up the toy, you’re making me angry!

Guests have come over for dinner, and your child doesn’t want to sit next to one of them, and the guest says, You don’t want to sit next to me? Oh, you’re making me sad.

You’re trying to do something, and the kids are running around and shouting, and they’re not listening when you tell them to calm down, and eventually you say, Can you stop? You’re making me nervous!

Or some day when you’re playing really well with the kids, you might say, I’m happy when you’re happy.

What’s the problem with these phrases? Well, if you pay attention, these phrases create a direct relationship between the actions of the children and the emotions of the parents or adults. The child is responsible for making their parents angry because they didn’t pick up their toys,. The child is responsible for making a guest sad because they didn’t want to sit next to them. The child is responsible for making their father nervous or the child is responsible for making their mother happy.

Phrases like these end up making children responsible for the emotions of adults. What a heavy burden for a child, don’t you think?

Everyone is responsible for their own emotions.

When my children don’t answer me, I feel frustrated. Sometimes I even get angry because I repeat something to them several times, they look at me, and continue playing as if nothing happened.

But it’s important to realize that on the one hand, the child is having a great time, is distracted, absorbed in the game or situation, and their mind is not thinking, I’m going to ignore what my parents say and not answer. It’s happened to me several times when I raise my voice to get their attention and they react with, What happened? Did you say anything?

And on the other hand, it’s me who has a preconceived idea in my mind of what should happen, what we should do, how they should answer or react. And if that idea is not fulfilled, it generates discomfort and frustration for me. Let me explain it a litter bit better:

  • For example, in my head I think children should pick up their toys when I ask them to. If they don’t listen, I get frustrated and maybe even angry.

  • We’re running late for school and the children are calmly looking for a toy to take with them on the way. I get stressed because I want to arrive on time and I see that if we continue like this, we won’t make it.

In all these situations, I am responsible for what I feel and how I act, not others. And when I realize and accept it, I start thinking constructively:

When they don’t listen to me, I approach them, touch their arm to get their attention, ask them to look at me for a moment, and when I have their full attention and make sure they are listening, then I can say something like: I see that you’re having a lot of fun playing, but now it’s time for dinner and we need to pick up everything you left in the dining room. After dinner, or tomorrow you can continue playing.

When we’re running late for school, I have to accept that yes, we will be late, but I can look for some game to walk faster to school. And the next day, maybe get up 5 minutes earlier, or not get distracted when we’re all having breakfast, and start the routine of leaving a little earlier.

Why am I explaining all this? Well, because I think it’s important to be aware that we are the only ones responsible for our emotions and how we act on them. This way, we won’t blame our children, and we can also teach them that they are responsible for their emotions.

Why is it important to teach children that they are responsible for their own emotions?

Phrases like you’re making me angry can make a child feel responsible for the happiness or emotions of adults, which can put a lot of pressure on the child.

If they see their parent sad or angry, they may think, I did something to make them feel that way. But who knows if their parent is feeling that way because of something unrelated to the child, or as often happens, it’s because many things combined. But children can end up feeling guilty and responsible for the emotions of adults.

This can also cause children to be more sensitive to manipulation or emotional blackmail: for example, doing something they’ve been asked to do to make the others happy, whether they be adults, schoolmates, cousins, etc.

But it’s not just that; if they’re sad or angry, they also delegate the responsibility for causing those emotions to someone else. They believe that someone else has caused their emotions, and therefore, they expect someone else to fix them.

Teaching our children that they are responsible for their own emotions and actions gives them control over and teaches how to manage them. We need to teach them that all emotions are natural, and that sometimes they don’t have control over what they feel, but they do have control over how they act.

How can we respond to these situations?

One of the things that helps me when I read about any topic is examples of how to apply what I just read. They help me think about situations where I can do things differently, where I can improve. But also the opposite: they make it easier for me to remember what I’ve read when I’m in these situations and how to act.

Here are some examples:

We can express our feelings, but do so from the perspective of our responsibility, not blaming others.

  • I am sad because I had a bad day at work, but I know it will pass.

  • I am sad because I didn’t get what I wanted, but I need to accept the situation and look for other options.

  • I am experiencing a lot of frustration right now, but it has nothing to do with you. It’s just something that’s happening within me, and I’m managing it.

Teach our children that emotions are neither good nor bad, they are natural.

  • It’s normal to feel sad or angry sometimes. It’s a normal part of life, and we can learn to manage these emotions.

  • Feeling sadness or anger is not bad, it’s just means that something is affecting us.

  • Don’t worry about feeling nervous or scared, it’s normal, and we all feel it sometimes.

Teach our children that sometimes we can’t control our emotions, but we are responsible for our actions.

  • I understand that you are angry, but hitting your sister is not okay.

  • Sometimes emotions can be very intense and difficult to control, but we can always decide how to react to these emotions.

  • It’s normal to feel frustrated or sad, but it’s important not to let these emotions take over and think before we react.

If you have any useful phrases that can help children take responsibility for their emotions and learn to manage them, please add them to the comments so we can include them here too. Thank you!

In summary, it’s important for children to understand that they are not responsible for their parents’ happiness. Happiness is an individual responsibility, and we shouldn’t burden other people, especially our children, with it. It’s important for children to learn to take charge of their own happiness and to be allowed to make decisions and express their emotions. This not only makes them happier, but it also helps them develop social and emotional skills that will be very useful for them in the future.

The post Children are not responsible for other people’s emotions appeared first on Marina Mele's site.

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